Respite

陪我到以後 就這樣一起走
讓明天有夢做 讓故事有然後

我喜歡問然後呢 and then? and? 
我喜歡每個故事都有美好的結局
大家都過著幸福快樂的生活
住在自己的城堡裡

i can't lie
i still miss you

但我答應自己會過的很好所以我過的很好
除了你之外我的人生很好家裡很好朋友很好
學會了不寂寞
不再上msn上skype看你在不在線上
不再期待任何事情的發生
其實看得很淡了剩下的只有給你的祝福

說不想你是騙人
但我是個自制力高的人我也說話算話
答應自己的事情我都會很努力的做到所以我也沒有放棄的打算

我也學會了不恨
之前看到你的status引發的好多的不愉快
想通了也學會不要再折磨自己
看得很開

只要自己好就好了
我要開始當個很自私的人
也要讓爸爸媽媽很驕傲 

很多時候我們手裡緊握的並不被我們珍惜因為一切都是這麼的理所當然
左顧右盼一路矇矇懂懂以為在辛苦的追求幸福
誰被捨棄誰被留下心裡又受了什麼傷
忘記放手的幸福忘記身邊還有的美好

我們都還年輕都有不同的目標
我們都不願意妥協我們都太執著
我們都夢想有shakespeare的浪漫有電影的夢幻情節
現實卻逼的我們不得不低頭 

大膽的愛勇敢的捨
沒有誰捨棄誰拋棄誰
我們都互相在對方心裡有個位置無法被抹滅
即使我們都很努力忘記從來不曾想起
在最需要的時候還是想到的是你

得不到也是幸福的一種
在最美好的時候劃下好的句點
沒有惡劣的爭執沒有傷人的對話
20年後或許我們都會回頭微笑看待曾經擁有的一切 
將來有一天我們都會是朋友
或許可以沒事聊聊天在最需要的時候互相陪伴

愛還是愛 很多事情就算我們很努力的嘗試還是無法改變

我在騙自己

世界還是載運轉考試還在考功課還是要做
我很努力的填滿妹分袂秒很怕突然沒事做發慌的感覺
朋友們都很用心 facebook chat msn skype text message不停怕我胡思亂想
有你們真好
但也體會到甚麼朋友不能做的事情

我想要重寫這個結局
缺一塊的感覺很難受
但我是誰又算甚麼
不能勉強只能跟自己說很快就會好

很誠實的跟自己說
我寧可每天吵架也不想要不講話
我討厭吵架可是我更討厭沒有你 

我一直以來最擔心的夢魘成了現實
看你很輕易的轉身離去
我還能說甚麼我還能做什麼

and I'm still planning dances and prom
prom that everyone's gonna love and everyone's gonna look forward to
I guess the only I can do now is to make everyone else happy

星期一就三個月了

這幾天我一個人 有很多自己的時間自己的空間思考我想要的事情
以前的我總覺得犧牲才會有結果才會找到對的好的人
但我到底想要甚麼做什麼夢怎麼樣才會快樂才會幸福
新的學期有很多新的事情 大學轉眼間也近在咫尺
老師要我定義success 我想了好久眼前白紙還是一片空白
這三個月來我一直以為我知道我想要甚麼
從兩年多前就知道今年是最辛苦最重要的時候
我很清楚的知道我想要的學校是甚麼大家對我的期望是甚麼
上學期的成績單出來很驚訝 卻自己很清楚知道原因 很不想面對現實
很想說服自己繼續努力 該怎麼用自己的標準衡量自己

到底要跟誰比較 是不是對你對自己都不公平 有一點點時間自己想一想
我想我知道我想要需要甚麼了
一直以來都用先前的標準來看待我們的關係
但我已經不是三年前的我了 我也不再是三個月前的我
王文華說 男生變成熟是從“自我”轉變為“願意配合他人”; 女生則是從“很配合他人”慢慢找回自我

一直以來我都覺得說服你說服我身邊的人比說服我自己更重要
有時候跟朋友聊天講話都在想怎麼我缺那個我少那個
我其實有很多了我其實很滿足了
他說 you deserve something better and I know I do.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 
— Marilyn Monroe

當世界只剩下這床頭燈
你那邊是早晨已經出門
我側身感到你在轉身
無數陌生人正在等下一個綠燈
一再錯身彼此脆弱的時分
如果渴望一個吻的余溫
我關了燈黑暗把我拼吞 

你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 
無盡等待像獨白的難挨 
你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在
我受了傷在偷偷好起來　但你不在　不在

時間再按下許多次快門
沈默裏聽見轉動的秒針
一個人吃飯這個淩晨　
孤單一人份　你低聲說你有別人
我的話筒只有自己的體溫
怎樣認真也不一定成真
你說的對　我不得不承認 

是有太多的期待嗎
早上起床看見好多朋友的簡訊和媽媽打的電話
卻少了你關心的一句話 
想很多安慰自己的話

不想要多想不喜歡哭
我也想要好好的

我也想要是很重要的人
回美國之後好像很多事情都變了

had a great day with jenny :) finally got to spend some quality time with my best friend <3 after all these time we now really know how important each other is in our livesss

but i hate not having you with me

i hate not hearing you saying good night before i go to bed, i hate not seeing any message from you when i get home and turn on my laptop, i hate when you don't tell me you miss me, i hate walking on the streets seeing people holding hands, i hate seeing other people kissing, i hate seeing other people in love. i hate that you have classes to go to and i hate that we're so far away from each other.

and i hate being so scared all the time. scared of losing you over stupid things, scared of caring about us so much.

hate picturing how happy we'll be or i'll be if i was with you on my birthday or during this whole vacation.

and i hate not knowing what you're thinking and how you feel.

i only wish things can be easier and i dont miss you as much as i do now.

6373.) I wish, I had the nerve to walk away from you again. But when I did, I came crawling back like an idiot. I can't live without you. Sadly. But you don't want me. You want her. And that's what hurts the most. I can't let go. I love you.

"6320.) I'm scared. Scared because I got so emotionally attached to you and I didn't even realize it until it was too late. I messed up and feelings were lost. But it's not just my fault, it's your fault too. I know how you are, how you play with people's hearts. But even knowing all that, I still feel the way I do about you. I don't want to let you go. I don't want you to tell me the feelings are gone. I don't want to hear about you with her. I still care so much about you and it's going to hurt me to accept things and let you go. Because when I close my eyes all I see is the way you were looking at me that one night, when I hugged you and you said you were sorry for everything having to be this way. "

i just want you to know that there's nothing between us anymore. it is one of the memories that I prefer not to remember not to mention and not to talk about. 

I told you that we can be friends, but the only circumstance of us being friend is you realizing that it's the only option and only possibility. Seeing that ring really tipped me off, how are you supposed to move on with your life if you still had that with you.

I've already moved on and met someone really great in my life, so us, we can only be friends and friends don't do things that you just did. You might think that it was the most romantic thing any one can possibly ever done but you were wrong. I don't just not appreciate it but I despise it so you might as well just quit it and find someone else.

there's just no chemistry anymore and i dont want to hurt you 

just let go and move on. we'll both have better lives without each other.

好不容易要回家了

今天早上早早起床洗好澡把東西收好準備去機場
和FINN也是我的室友搭同一班飛機
碰到很多LGE的人會很想大家噢

然後很勇敢的買好火車票一個人晃到NYC玩
PENN station實在是很奇妙很複雜很challenging的地方
然後很不習慣一個人
到Macy's之後我的探險之旅正式展開這樣
感謝一票好朋友的陪伴耶

和Lucas坐在34 street聊快3小時的天
我們都以為只過了一個小時耶
果然快樂的時光過得特別快這樣

然後去了一個叫Empire Pizza的奇怪地方
吃Pizza觀察那家店的人一個小時
笑的臉頰好痠好可愛好開心

在紐約走來走去沒有目的地
沒有shopping沒有昂貴的餐廳
腳好痠可是心情很好
很獨立很有勇氣

每天都發生好多事情很喘不過氣
在小小的pittsfield裡原來也可以很不愜意
難怪學校要種這麼多樹
假裝營造很休閒的感覺是吧

情人節要到了耶
看到架上一整排粉紅色的卡片有一點無言
也很羨慕
怎麼粉紅色有可以他專屬的節日
那什麼時候我喜歡的黃色才有他自己的節

看到toefl書裡面夾的便條紙
感動的感覺沒了  對不起這句話很傷
例行公事每天寫個幾面
問自己努力的目標是什麼

每天都要提醒自己好幾次brown
每次不想念書的時候就逼自己開brown的網頁
可是感覺不一樣了

明明答應自己要改變生活的方式
明明答應自己要好好的
明明答應自己可以過得更好