Respite

走不完的長巷 原來也就那麼長
跑不完的操場 原來小成這樣

時間的手 翻雲覆雨了什麼
從我手中 奪走了什麼

閉上眼看 十六歲的夕陽 美得像我們一樣
邊走邊唱 天真浪漫勇敢 以為能走到遠方

我們曾相愛 想到就心酸

人潮拍打上岸 一波波歡快的浪
校門口老地方 我是等候堤防

牽妳的手 人群裡慢慢走
我們手中 藏有全宇宙

閉上眼看 最後那顆夕陽 美得像一個遺憾
輝煌哀傷 青春兵荒馬亂 我們潦草地離散
明明愛阿 卻不懂怎麼辦 讓愛強韌不折斷

陪我到以後 就這樣一起走
讓明天有夢做 讓故事有然後

我喜歡問然後呢 and then? and? 
我喜歡每個故事都有美好的結局
大家都過著幸福快樂的生活
住在自己的城堡裡

I think I lost my faith in love. 

Steve has been someone and something missing in my life. I like to talk about him with my friends, I like to think about him when I’m alone and I like to pretend that he’s still mine when I have no one around. And I know how much it hurts to have someone you love walked away from you and never turned back. Or maybe he did, I guess I would just never find out.

Steve was my boyfriend for two years. We were young and happy together. Or more like I was young. I kept it as a secret because I did not want to be judged. Steve was a sophomore in college when I was in 8th grade. He was my dad’s law student in the university and I was a little girl who went to a catholic middle/high school. I knew how protective my parents are and how our age difference would cause such a drama. However, he was the best thing that could ever happen to me. He drove to my house and walked me to school every morning, he cooked my lunch and dinner, then he picked me up from school at 11 every night. I was deeply dependent and in love and I never thought anything would change.

He took me to Jesse McCartney’s concert for my 15th birthday and he asked Jesse McCartney to sing happy birthday to me. I enjoyed all the jealousy from girls around me at the concert and I couldn’t be any happier. He hid a little diamond ring in my favorite Kinder SURPRISE. I remembered how mad I was when I thought the little chocolate egg was my only birthday present. He was the ideal boyfriend that everyone wanted. He spoiled me and made me the most special girl in the world. His smiles made my heart stop, and his kisses made me melt. It was the first and only time that I was confident enough to tell the world that I love someone with my whole heart. 

Then things changed. I decided to leave home and go away for school. I was so stressed out from the school system and so disappointed in my own performance at the high school entrance exam that I just wanted to leave and never go back. He tried to hard to be happy for me and tell me that everything between us will be okay. And it was, at least in the beginning. He was so strong and mature and so comforting, but I was a little spoiled princess. I couldn’t stand the fact that I have to constantly be by myself, I couldn’t stand to watch my friends hanging out with their boyfriends, and I couldn’t stand sleeping in the infirmary at night without my mom or him. So I freaked out, I remember calling him and asked him if he still loved me. I remember yelling at him and telling him that I wasn’t happy anymore. I remember hearing his tears dropped on the other side of the phone. I remember thinking that I could find someone better and be happy without him.

And I was wrong.

God gives every girl one special man in her life. I lost the chance to be a princess. I lost the man I loved the most. I lost the person that meant everything to me. I lost faith in love because I knew I let my best chance slide away and it would never come back.

THIS is a blog that is written by Morgan and I.

We want to share life experiences as teenage girls, all-girls school and self-sufficient philanthorpy.
We'll update as much as we can so please spread the words and read up! :) 

i can't lie
i still miss you

但我答應自己會過的很好所以我過的很好
除了你之外我的人生很好家裡很好朋友很好
學會了不寂寞
不再上msn上skype看你在不在線上
不再期待任何事情的發生
其實看得很淡了剩下的只有給你的祝福

說不想你是騙人
但我是個自制力高的人我也說話算話
答應自己的事情我都會很努力的做到所以我也沒有放棄的打算

我也學會了不恨
之前看到你的status引發的好多的不愉快
想通了也學會不要再折磨自己
看得很開

只要自己好就好了
我要開始當個很自私的人
也要讓爸爸媽媽很驕傲 

很多時候我們手裡緊握的並不被我們珍惜因為一切都是這麼的理所當然
左顧右盼一路矇矇懂懂以為在辛苦的追求幸福
誰被捨棄誰被留下心裡又受了什麼傷
忘記放手的幸福忘記身邊還有的美好

我們都還年輕都有不同的目標
我們都不願意妥協我們都太執著
我們都夢想有shakespeare的浪漫有電影的夢幻情節
現實卻逼的我們不得不低頭 

大膽的愛勇敢的捨
沒有誰捨棄誰拋棄誰
我們都互相在對方心裡有個位置無法被抹滅
即使我們都很努力忘記從來不曾想起
在最需要的時候還是想到的是你

得不到也是幸福的一種
在最美好的時候劃下好的句點
沒有惡劣的爭執沒有傷人的對話
20年後或許我們都會回頭微笑看待曾經擁有的一切 
將來有一天我們都會是朋友
或許可以沒事聊聊天在最需要的時候互相陪伴

愛還是愛 很多事情就算我們很努力的嘗試還是無法改變

我在騙自己

世界還是載運轉考試還在考功課還是要做
我很努力的填滿妹分袂秒很怕突然沒事做發慌的感覺
朋友們都很用心 facebook chat msn skype text message不停怕我胡思亂想
有你們真好
但也體會到甚麼朋友不能做的事情

我想要重寫這個結局
缺一塊的感覺很難受
但我是誰又算甚麼
不能勉強只能跟自己說很快就會好

很誠實的跟自己說
我寧可每天吵架也不想要不講話
我討厭吵架可是我更討厭沒有你 

我一直以來最擔心的夢魘成了現實
看你很輕易的轉身離去
我還能說甚麼我還能做什麼

and I'm still planning dances and prom
prom that everyone's gonna love and everyone's gonna look forward to
I guess the only I can do now is to make everyone else happy

星期一就三個月了

這幾天我一個人 有很多自己的時間自己的空間思考我想要的事情
以前的我總覺得犧牲才會有結果才會找到對的好的人
但我到底想要甚麼做什麼夢怎麼樣才會快樂才會幸福
新的學期有很多新的事情 大學轉眼間也近在咫尺
老師要我定義success 我想了好久眼前白紙還是一片空白
這三個月來我一直以為我知道我想要甚麼
從兩年多前就知道今年是最辛苦最重要的時候
我很清楚的知道我想要的學校是甚麼大家對我的期望是甚麼
上學期的成績單出來很驚訝 卻自己很清楚知道原因 很不想面對現實
很想說服自己繼續努力 該怎麼用自己的標準衡量自己

到底要跟誰比較 是不是對你對自己都不公平 有一點點時間自己想一想
我想我知道我想要需要甚麼了
一直以來都用先前的標準來看待我們的關係
但我已經不是三年前的我了 我也不再是三個月前的我
王文華說 男生變成熟是從“自我”轉變為“願意配合他人”; 女生則是從“很配合他人”慢慢找回自我

一直以來我都覺得說服你說服我身邊的人比說服我自己更重要
有時候跟朋友聊天講話都在想怎麼我缺那個我少那個
我其實有很多了我其實很滿足了
他說 you deserve something better and I know I do.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 
— Marilyn Monroe